A Saga: Thumbs Up

At the ripe old age of 4 years old, before I understood where true peace came from (as mentioned in my previous saga post), I found peace in nothing less then my right thumb. That’s right, I was a thumb sucker…. even in the womb! The thumb and the blankey went with me EVERYWHERE: in the car, in the store, in the restaurant, to friend’s houses, while watching tv, while eating, while sleeping…well, I think you get the picture. Yep, that thumb was permanently glued to my mouth and that blankey was permanently glued to my nose and nothing no one would say or do could convince me to rid myself of such a wonderful habit…. Or so I thought.

I was a rather gullible child. Actually, I’m still rather gullible, but have become a lot wiser due to life experiences, but those are stories for another time. Anyways, as a young child, I would always take weekend trips with grandma and papa to West Virginia to visit good ‘ol Great Aunt Rita. She was a sweet, clever, sharp, independent little old lady who had dentures and would eat grapes without her teeth for breakfast. I never did understand how she managed that. Unbeknownst to me, my parents had mentioned my thumb sucking habit to Aunt Rita. They were all worried about an overbite, germs, and not to mention I was a little old to still be sucking my thumb! So leave it to Aunt Rita—she was bound and determined to get me to stop! How did she go about managing this task? Well, she walked right over to me and had me put my hands together. She would say, “Now Amanda, look at your thumbs. Do you see how much shorter your right thumb is then your left thumb?” My eyes grew wide as I saw this seemingly huge difference in my thumb sizes and nodded my head in agreement. She then told me, “Well, that’s because your thumb is about to fall off. If you keep sucking your thumb, it’s going to shrivel up and fall right off!”

Okay, this woman was brilliant!

My gullible mind was convinced so that night I slept with my hand behind my back. I was NOT going to be a thumbless child! The next morning, I woke up happy with my great success of not sucking my thumb for one whole night! Of course I looked at my hands to compare thumbs and wouldn't you know... my right thumb was “growing”!

We all rejoiced in my success at not sucking my thumb. In fact, I had daddy take me to the Goodwill so I could give my blankey to someone who needed it more than me. However, the rejoicing didn’t last long. Shortly after, at the age of 5, I hit a rather large bump in the road that caused me to resort back to my comforting thumb.

This bump changed my whole life.

The Closet

When a lot of events occur in life that are completely out of your control and are thrown at you all at once, you have no choice but to learn how to compartmentalize in your head. In my head, I have a closet. Let me take you there…

I have always envisioned it being a small closet with one tiny shelf made of a simple piece of hardwood. This shelf is near the top of the closet, and I have to go on my tippy-toes to reach whatever is on the shelf. The only time the closet is lit is when I open the door and the sun shines through the window across the room, hitting the inside of the closet just perfectly to expose the articles on the shelf. I look up to the shelf and I see shoeboxes piled on top of one another. Each shoe box is labeled on the outside. Inside each shoe box are pictures I have taken of different scenarios in my life. Some pictures contain happy childhood memories, fun adventures, and simply joyous times, but some pictures are also daunting. My job is to look through the pictures and dispose of the memories that contain hurt and have become burdens. This is a very tedious process.

There’s one box in particular I imagine being shoved off to the left corner of the shelf. Not all the way in the back, but near it. This box is surrounded by other boxes and not the easiest one to get to. But I have finally stood tall enough to reach the box, and the lid has been opened. I wouldn’t have been able to reach this box, however, if God wouldn’t have lifted me up and sustained me.

Psalm 55:22 “Cast your cares on the LORD and he will sustain you; he will never let the righteous fall.”

I recall a dream from a couple nights ago that I know came straight from the Lord. I believe this whole heartedly. The timing of this dream was no coincidence, in fact, it was rather uncanny. What was the dream? Well, here it goes….

I was staring out the window in my house, looking out towards my backyard. To the right of me stood the two friends I had watched go down a path of destruction not too very long ago. (It was at this time in my life that I knew I had no choice but to say goodbye to them. I witnessed the effects that the power of darkness can have, and the anguish this caused me is difficult to describe. This is a glimpse into the box.) I saw these two friends next to me and I shuddered from head to toe, and my heart ached for a moment. When I looked back out the window, I saw the most radiant sunset. The sunset was an array of oranges, reds, pinks, and purples. There are no words to describe fully the colors of this sunset--- probably only colors we will be able to see in Heaven I would imagine. Billowy clouds swirled around the sun, reflecting the beaming colors. Suddenly, the sunset began to fade. I watched it disappear as what I thought was a large black cloud covered the sky. This “black cloud”, though, began to move closer and closer to the window at which I stood. As it drew near, I realized it was a large cloud of black birds. From this cloud I heard a deep, wicked, non human voice. I knew I was staring evil in the face. At first I felt fear and wanted to run as far away from this window as I could, but I knew that if I ran, it would only follow. Instead, I placed my hand on the window and confidently exclaimed, “You are not welcome here, in the name of Jesus.” I then ran into my parent’s room, and proceeded to look out their bedroom window. When I looked out, the black cloud was fading. The dark sky was becoming a blinding white. I looked up into the sky to see a cloud of white birds consuming the black cloud that had covered the sky only moments before, and I was no longer afraid.

Then I woke up. A dream that probably lasted a mere 5 minutes changed my whole outlook.

Perhaps there is hope after all.