So why start writing now? Good question, and I’ve got the answer.
This is not the first time I have started a blog online. Remember xanga? Yep, I was a xanga-er. I always enjoyed reading my friends comments on my musings, and for my more serious posts, always looked forward to hearing the wise words of LaserLawyer, also known as Kevin, a family friend who went to my church. At the age of 48 (in 2006) he was diagnosed with Glioblastoma, the most aggressive type of brain cancer. He was told he would live 6 months. He lived almost 3 years.
He is why I am writing today.
When I stopped writing, he noticed. He would ask me, “Amanda, why haven’t you written lately?” or “Amanda, don’t forget your love for writing. You always did such a great job.” I never had a good reason to give him—I probably just used the excuse that I didn’t have enough time. I know he knew better then to believe me.
Sometime in the last year or two, he mentioned my writing. If I’m not mistaken, I was venting about how I didn’t know what I was supposed to do with my life, and thought I wasn’t good enough at anything to actually BE anything. He kindly reminded me about my passion for writing. My first thought was, That was the past…That part of my life is over. I'm done with writing. My second thought was, Kevin made a good point...maybe I will start writing again one day.
I didn’t have much time for writing, though. With finishing up my junior year at Miami University as a Speech Pathology and Audiology major, studying seemed to be the only thing I had time for… the only thing I made time for. Kevin was doing well; he seemed to be going strong and continued to fight the cancer. It was a miracle. I had decided that once my junior year ended in the beginning of May of 2009, I would start writing again. My first post was going to be dedicated to Kevin. I wanted him to know that because of him, I was going to reignite my long lost passion—writing. Not only because he reminded me of my passion, but because he inspired me. He was a man of great faith and hope. He didn’t blame God for giving him cancer, but he was resolved that God would be intensely glorified through it. If he could have that kind of faith, and if he could have that kind of hope in that kind of circumstance….I knew I could too in my circumstances that seem comparably minuscule.
The month of May came...
Junior year was over and summer was finally here...
It was time to start writing...I couldn't wait to tell Kevin...
Then I heard the news...
Kevin had passed away.
How was I supposed to start writing now? 6 years I hadn’t written. I finally moved past all the reasons why I stopped, and my inspiration was no longer here on this earth. It’s been 7 months since Kevin went to be with the Lord. He left a legacy. He made an impact.
He impacted me.
And that’s why I am writing today.
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Amanda - can you believe I'm up at 2:30 am reading this? That's how it is after a show. I can't seem to wind down. So here I am reading this wonderful post dedicated to Kevin, and I am moved by it. I can see Kevin smiling as clearly as if he were standing before me - smiling at you, saying he knew you could do it and to never give up. Thank you for sharing this with me and Victoria (I'm sure she'll have a comment of her own!) - I can't tell you what it means to me when I hear of the myriad of ways God used Kevin in people's lives. It takes a little bit of the sting away.
ReplyDeleteSee you tomorrow - or, rather, in a few hours!
-m.
Wow, I can see what Kevin meant, and I'm taking over for him. In fact, if you don't make time for what you so obviously love, I will pound you. I know where you live, part of the time.
ReplyDeleteI am sure that your writing will impact someone ... it may be someone you know - or it may be someone you will never meet. The beauty of the internet. Keep writing.
ReplyDeleteAs a baseball fan, i love the line from "Field of Dreams": "If you build it, they will come."
Amanda, if you write it, they will read! :-)
So yeah, thanks for makin' me cry, Amanda... ;-) Haha!
ReplyDeleteSeriously though...
You and me both.
I'm glad you refuse to give up on it. I'm right there with you. I have zero clue as to what God is going to do with my scribblings, but I'm going to keep scribbling away until whatever He's looking for in me comes out. My biggest high comes from writing something that helps somebody else.
Keep going; and know that I'm right there with you, working away. :)
~Victoria