A Saga: That Rather Large Bump in the Road

September 1994:

A typically happy 5 year old girl started to vomit. She had a frequent fever and the “flu” every 2 weeks.

October 1994:

With the frequent “flu” and fevers, she also contracted walking pneumonia.

November 1994:

The fevers continued and she was given antibiotics for an unknown infection.

December 1994:

The vomiting continued. She was losing weight. She was so thin that she had to wear clothes made for a 2 year old. The doctors finally agreed to do blood work where they discovered that she had mono and slight blood abnormalities.

January 1995:

She then got a terrible case of the chicken pox--- it was in her throat, nose, and everywhere. She continued to vomit on and off. The dr.’s prescribed stronger antibiotics.

February 1995:

The little girl was deprived of all energy. Dark circles began to form under her eyes—a reminder that would never go away. Her kidneys shut down. The doctors gave her a bag of IV fluids, but it had no affect on her. Her liver and spleen began to swell, and her bone marrow was suppressed. Finally, she was admitted to the hospital.

~~~~~~

I remember….

At the age of 5 in September, I was sleeping next to my brother ( I was scared to sleep alone), and I looked at him thinking about how much I loved him and never wanted to lose him. I kissed him on the forehead that night because, for some reason, I was scared… scared that I may not see him again. It was almost like a premonition. The next morning I woke up throwing up and with an unbearable stomach pain.

I remember….

I was sleeping in my parent’s room. I woke up because, of course, I had just thrown up. My mom cleaned up my bed while my dad patiently and lovingly washed me off. He would tell me sweetly that it was okay--- I felt bad that I couldn’t even stand myself up to help wash myself off, and that he had to do it all. The moment I was laid back down, I threw up again. This happened repeatedly throughout the night and for months to come.

I remember…

The day my mom was on the phone. She was crying. I couldn’t eat. I refused to eat. I didn’t want to throw up again, but I was in pain because I was so hungry. Next thing I know, I’m laying in the back seat of the car on my mom’s lap. We stopped at the BP down the street to get me mini peanut butter crackers to snack on. I remember driving under the stone bridge in Cleveland wondering where we were going.

I remember…

My dad carried me from the car into the hospital. It smelled like some weird cleaner. The nurse asked me how I was feeling. I said good, and she laughed. They poked me with needles. I don’t remember feeling any pain. I didn’t cry. I was too weak to cry. I was sick.

I remember….

I woke up in a machine. It was a CATscan machine. I was scared--- I felt like I was in a coffin. I cried a lot. My dad tickled my toes to try to make me laugh and feel better… to let me know he was there. I didn’t like laying there by myself. My mom always laid next to me… every night she slept with me in the tiny hospital bed.

I remember…

My dad bought me a stuffed animal bunny. I named her floppy. I still have her. I also asked for a coloring book. He bought me a coloring book and crayons. I was so happy and excited. I soon burst into tears when I realized I couldn’t color because of all the needles in my right arm. It was too painful and I couldn’t bend my arm enough to color. I tried my left hand, but it just didn’t work. I didn’t understand why the needles had to be there in the first place.

I remember…

Not having a clue what the word leukemia meant, but that it was what I had. The prognosis was uncertain. The dr.’s had several conferences with my parents to plan the next weeks course of action. I had no idea what was going on though--- my only concern was why I couldn’t order pancakes for breakfast like my roommate. It wasn’t on my “allowed to eat” menu. When I would sit in the hall of the hospital, the nurse would give me a popsicle--A red one upon my request. While I was concerned about what color popsicle I was going to get, my parents were concerned about possibly losing their child.

I remember…

They took my blood and took it back to the lab. They were preparing me for a bone marrow tap. The results came back. They had never seen anything like it before. My Dr., Dr. Honey, came in and took a second sample to double check to make sure that the results were accurate. The Dr. herself drew the blood and hand delivered it to the lab and waited for the results. Though slight, my bone marrow started working, and the staff couldn't believe it. I was beginning to heal. My family could believe it, though. We felt the prayers, and we knew the power of God. God had given my mom the verse in Psalm 91, “With long life I will satisfy him and show him my salvation.” and that is the verse my family held onto. Everyone was crying tears of joy. The sound of laughter found its way up my throat and out of my mouth. For a moment, I didn’t feel any pain.

I was smiling.